I am going to start off with a quote from the big book:
"Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do
not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything
like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point
is, that we were willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles
we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress
rather than spiritual perfection.
Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic,
and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent
ideas:
(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought."
When I read/hear this part of how it works I tend to think of my spiritual progress. I think about how far I have come in the last year. Today I can honestly say that I am an alcoholic and could not manage my own life. I know no human that could have relieved my addictions and after seeking God, he has relieved so much more than my alcoholism and drug addiction. The biggest cause of my using for so many years was fear. Today my faith in a higher power of my understanding has relieved all of that fear and doubt of the future. Recently I was let go from my job (purposefully) and have begun working full time on getting my company up and running. This has made a huge dent in my finances. A year ago I would have been in sheer panic. Today, the fear of economic insecurity has truly left me. I know as long as I do my part and have the faith that God will continue to keep me safe just as he has done my entire life, everything will work out. I have to believe that even during the overdoses, I was kept alive by a power greater than my self. It was not just luck. Today I believe that the purpose in keeping me alive is to share my experience, strength, and hope with the world and show others that struggle with drugs and alcohol that a new life is possible. Carrying that message is my ultimate job today.
My reason for this post today is to share my struggle with that spiritual progress. Even though I am on the road to permanent faith, I struggle on a daily basis with my prayer and meditation. Back in the summer I had my schedule set for my prayer time in the morning. Of course this was right about the time of my spiritual awakening. It was a high that I had never felt before. SO, it only seems natural that my time with God at this point would have prospered. Today, even though my faith has grown, my actions in prayer have not. So on the list of things to do is work on my prayer and meditation. With that I will end with Thank you God for my sobriety and all the blessings you have given me!
Thank you For 1 having this blog that I just found and 2 for this last post. A spiritual life is the most foreign to me it seems. I have been back in recovery and working the program to the best of my ability for almost 2 months now. Being a drop out catholic since grade school I havent depended on god my whole life. Now after being a low bottom junkie and alcoholic ive come to realize that a spiritual solution is the only solution. Recovery and spirituality are both new to me. Honesty, openmindedness and willingness are 3 traits that I am not good at. I am trying to change to the best of my ability on a daily basis and I am hoping and praying for a dramatic change in my life due to these actions. Thank you for your blog and recent entries. 1 more tool I have found in this horrific battle I have been waging with drugs and alcohol.
ReplyDeleteIt gets better Patrick! I promise. The program works if you work it.
DeleteAfter much stumbling around with prayer and meditation and actually read the 11th step in the BB. On page 86 the step begins in the evening. Why? Presumably because we've done a 10th step throughout the day. It says, "When we retire at night we constructively review our day"..... going on to mirror those things we look for throughout the day in our 10th step.
ReplyDeleteIn the next paragraph it gives me the 11th step direction for the morning, and in the process clears up my confusion about prayer and meditation. It says, "On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead" but before that we "ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonet or self-seeking motives."
The next paragraph begins the meditation. It says, "In thnking about our day we may face indecision ..... here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or or a decision." Right after that he tells us what doing this regularly will achieve for us.
The last paragraph detailing the 11th step practice starts on page 87 with "We ususally conclude this period of meditation with a prayer .....
So the "thinking about our day and asking God for an intuitive thought, inspiratyion or decision is the meditation. The prayer follows that, saying, "that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be ... "
Im really glad I found this page. I was a drug addict and got 6 years clean. Then I started using again, only this time I became an alcoholic as well. And a very mean one at that. Its much harder this second time to achieve sobriety. When i'm in crises I pray and meditate like my life depends on it(which it usually does) but otherwise I struggle so much with prayer and meditation. I dont know why this is but I decided since I am good at writing that I would keep a prayer/meditation journal. So far its helping a lot. It lets me get out all I need to say without all the mind wandering I usually do. :)
ReplyDelete