Tonight, in the meeting I went to, we discussed making amends. After listening for most of the meeting, I was thinking about two things. How important it is to do the amends right so I am no longer hurting anyone, and that I had not made amends to myself. It was important that I shared on these two topics. I have been on the end of a really bad amends, actually it was not an amends at all, it was more of a fuck you. So I could not stress the fact enough, that some doors are better left closed. And this is where the amends to myself comes in. Some people are just plain bad. And despite whatever situation has occurred in the past, who wronged who or so on does not really matter. The best amends I can give for the other person and myself is to stay the hell away. The follow through, or living amends if you will, for myself, is to NEVER let this type of situation happen again. My living amends to myself is to continue on this journey of spiritual growth and service to my fellow man. This is the only way I can guarantee my sobriety. Cause I surely cannot keep what I do not have, and without my higher power I am lost in the wind and full of fear.
So tonight, before I go to sleep, I will once again pray for the willingness to forgive not only those who have hurt me, but for all the pain and sorrow I have caused myself. I will pray to forgive myself for all the terrible and negative things that I have thought and sometimes to this day continue to think about myself. I will thank God for another day sober and be grateful for all the wonderful blessings I have. And I will have faith, that as long as I do his will by staying sober and helping other addicts, everything will be okay.