It has been a while since I have been able to sit down and dedicate a bit of honest time to getting some words down on paper, so I have been looking forward to this time on Christmas Eve in my parent’s basement to do just that. Like my Christmas pieces of years past, I spend some time reflecting on my life over the past year and listening to the Drive by Truckers. It is funny the Truckers have been on a hiatus from my playlists for a while, but I am pretty sure I do my best writing listening to them. Maybe it is just a habit my brain has and they help me focus on the point I really want to make. Maybe it is that I can relate to most of the lyrics and they help bring my gratitude front and center. Oh well whatever it is it works so why change it.
Before I started writing tonight I read last year’s piece, trying to get my words flowing. Albeit hopeful, the pain still resonated loud from a difficult year. About halfway through reading it, there was a sense of relief, realizing that pain is not as prevalent today and that I am FINALLY on the other side of some really ugly stuff. The biggest amazement to me is that I walked through that pain, maybe not as gracefully as I would have liked, but, I can hold my head high and know I made it through without a drink or a drug. The more I think about it, I am not sure how I did it. There is no doubt, God did for me what I could not do for myself. There were a few moments over 2013 where I was sure I was not going to make it. Fortunately, I held on to that information that was passed along to me so freely and I got off my pity party and started the work all over again. Tonight, I was able to give my two year medallion to my sister, who is keeping them for me and my niece. She is too young to understand, but if I can give her mom one of those medallions every year, I have kept my word and done the work. They are what hold me accountable way more than anything or anyone else.
Like most years of my life 2013 has been full of changes. I am very fortunate to have the family I do. They freely gave me a safe place to heal and recover from years of self-destruction. After a lot of growth from all of us and 21 months I left home for the last time, agreeing that the door was finally closed on both ends and off I went out into the world in much better shape than when I had arrived... Athens, Ga seemed like the right destination for me to restart my life. I could not have made a better decision. It is close enough to home to still feel connected yet it is just far enough away. The original plan was to go back to school and finally finish my degree, but the world had other plans for me. The music that has kept me whole all these years finally had shown a place for me to play my part. Within two months of moving to Athens, with the help of two business partners, have opened a new booking agency. Things are moving 100% faster than I ever expected, and it is a lot of hard work, but it has turned out to be one of the most exciting things I have ever done in my life. To be able to put in the work and for the first time really see my future building itself is the most accomplished I have ever felt. I am almost 40 so it is a very welcomed feeling.
I have been thinking for about a week or two what I wanted for my Christmas wish. Since I have everything, well almost everything a person could need it took me a while to come up with my wish for this year. Tonight, I went with my family to their church for the early (children’s) service. The more I watched the children in all their Christmas wonder it finally hit me what my wish will be. The older we get, the more beat up by life, consumed by the clock, work, and all the ugly responsibilities of adulthood we seem to lose that magic we had as children. Tonight, Christmas Eve of 2013 my wish for you, myself, and everyone is to find that inner magic we once had as children and let it grow. To allow the whimsical, fantastic, and amazing back into our hearts the way an 8 year old does. To get back to believing in the spirit of Santa Clause, imaginary friends, Big Bird, and anything of the like. Life is serious enough, who cares about what we as adults are supposed to believe. It is the magic of the mind that keeps us young and living free. This is one of my many goals for me over the next year, stop taking life so seriously and to allow my heart to be young again.
Good Night, God Bless and Happy Holidays