Thursday, December 6, 2012


As I listen to the amazing pedal steel in a Drive by Truckers song, I am thinking about why I love that instrument so much.  After tonight's first step meeting I realize what it is about that mesmerizing wain of that guitar that gets my rocks off.  It is a sad but peaceful sound that carries the pain openly that is so prevalent in rock n roll.  It reminds me of sad times in the past, but in a way that eases the pain a bit.  Like the pedal steel guitar, tonight's meeting made me realize that I have a bitter sweet reminder of where I came from and where I am going.  A few weeks ago I started getting all my bills and debt in order.  It is a hefty pile that I owe and it is def in the five figure range.  As we talked tonight about being powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable, I realized that the fact that I owe over 25k in student loans and still don't have a degree, is a glaring example of how unmanageable my life really was.  Drugs and alcohol had a direct affect on every single attempt I ever made to go to school.  How could I owe that much money and not have my degree.  Oh yeah, I am a raging drug addict and alcoholic that lights every single aspect of my life on fire when I am using.  Recently I have found myself in a very happy and peaceful place and it was good to see that fact tonight.  I dont feel bad about not having my degree yet, but it is a great reminder to see how foolish and irresponsible I become when I am high on cocaine and whiskey.  It is good for me to keep these things that remind me of where I came from close.  I dont ever want to go down that road again!  Thank you God for my sobriety today.  So grateful!

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