Today my sponsor asked me if I could remember what everything was like last year, being a little over a month sober. Unfortunately, this question brought back a flood of bad memories. I then shared the conversation with my mother and her comments also reminded me of things from that time that unfortunately are still painful. This immediately put me in a place of irritability and discontent. Thankfully, I now have a set of tools to use when I get into that scary, ugly place in my head. So, I knew it was time to sit down and make a gratitude list. I have so many things to be thankful for today, Christmas Eve 2012. Here is that list in no particular order.
First, I want to express how grateful I am for my amazing family. I know with out a doubt I would not be sober and in the best place in my life I have ever been without them. My parents have done their part by going to Alanon. I am very grateful for the help that program has given them. I am positive that with the help of both Alanon and AA, our family is finally beginning to heal from all the years of drug induced damage. My sister and brother in law have also been amazing. My sister is such a positive light in my life. She is always willing to listen to me when I need her. They have also given me the greatest gift I could have ever received, my niece, Adelaide Amanda Baines. She brings me so much joy, it is indescribable. I am truly blessed to have found an amazing sponsor, who has been an integral part of me making it through all the bullshit this past year. The faith and wisdom that he has shared with me has taught me so much and has enabled me to live a much happier and peaceful life. Through him I have grown closer with my higher power and the fear and doubt subside more and more every day. I have so many fantastic friends that have supported me on this new journey, new and old. Jake, you are the best friend I have ever had! Thank you for all the hours of conversation you have given me and your unwavering support will never be forgotten.
Last but not least, I want to thank God for all the blessings in my life. I am sure that you kept me alive for reasons that I now know, but definately did not deserve at the time. I will continue to do your will as well as I can and to continue to carry the message to the alcoholic and addict that still suffers.
For all of you that were not mentioned here, you know who you are and I am very grateful to have all of your love and support.
Thank you and Happy Holidays!