Sunday, September 30, 2012

Isn't It Ironic

Not to be cliche but I was flipping through the channels on the radio on my way home tonight and caught half of Alanis Morissette's Isn't It Ironic.  It took me right back to an easier time, 1994 or 1995 maybe.  The memories of those years are a nothing but a flash now but as I listened to the words of that song I laughed to myself.  Despite how poppy and top 40 it might be some of those lyrics are very true in my life today.  I wont go into all the places my mind wandered in those few minutes but the line about the good advice you just didnt take resonated loud with me.  In that brief moment all the advice from all the people that I should have listened to zipped through my head almost as if it was on a movie screen.  A lot of that advice would have kept me out of the place that I am in now.  Stay away from drugs and alcohol, dont smoke cigarettes, save your money, and make good grades in school are just a few that I thought of while I sat at the red light in the rain.  Well if you have not figured out by now, I did not listen to any of that good advice.  I did things how I wanted to do them.  And here we are 38, in recovery, living at my parents house in my home town, learning how to live life again, the right way.  Now I dont feel bad about how I got here, and for the most part I dont feel bad about being here.  Sure some days are easier to swallow than others.  But I am proud to be in recovery.  I am happy to say that for the last 11 months I have taken MOST of the advice of the people around me.  Minus one big decision.  And today I am still sober.  Today, I have money in my pocket.  Today I can feel and be trusted.  Today I will do what I say I am going to do. Today I am on the track to being the man I am capable of being simply from realizing that my plan sucks and that there is a much better way to live.  It is funny, reflecting on the weekend, I have finally achieved the life that I once dreamed about.  A NORMAL life.  A life full of things that normal people do.  Lets see, I took it easy Friday, spent Saturday with the family and went to a fundraiser for the church camp my sister and I went to as children.  Met up with an old friend and scored two goals in a soccer game on Sunday.  I am having a huge deja vu moment as I reread those words and think back to the day after Thanksgiving last year and remember telling someone how much I longed for a normal life.  And now its here, and I can only thank God and the program of Alcoholic Anonymous for it!