Thursday, February 7, 2013

Why Am I Still Alive?

I have been having this conversation with a great friend of mine about the fact that we are still alive after all the crazy fucked up shit we did when we were using and drinking.  We both agree on the fact that God saved our lives to help other drug addicts and alcoholics that still struggle and to carry the message of sobriety.  Being of service to others is a very big part of my life today and it definitely helps me stay sober.  Which is a big reason for the subject matter that I write about.  I am constantly getting emails and messages about how my writing about my experiences is helping someone some where.  Well needless to say the last two days have been very interesting in regards to being of service to others.  Last night I was at a meeting down in the big city and the topic was on God, which meetings are often on.  While people were sharing I was thinking about why I am still alive and how my purpose on Earth now is to be of maximum service.  As these thoughts were running through my head my phone went off.  It was a text from a woman I had met and partied with one night in Denver, maybe three years ago now.  She had reached out to me a few months ago and shared about her own struggles and that she too had moved away from Denver to get away from the blow.  Last night she said in her text that a friend of hers in Denver had overdosed and died yesterday and that she was happy that I was there for her and willing to listen and that she read every one of my blog posts.  Wow, I was blown away.  First, it was a reminder that this disease will kill me and two that I was reaching someone that I knew.  After all, this writing that I do helps me stay sober more than folks know.  Her message just proved that I am doing exactly what I am suppose to be doing.  Sharing my experience, strength, and hope with the world.  And more than anything it was God telling me what I needed to hear right at that very moment.  And what I heard was, yes, Erin, I saved your life so you can help people now get to it.  So tonight I went with a group of folks to take a meeting into a detox facility.  Let me tell you, that was great for me tonight.  I sat quietly and watched and listened.  It was a great reminder for me.  These people were messed up and it was obvious.  They could not hide it. The guilt, shame, and remorse was thick in the air and all over their faces.  It was a great reminder of the road I was on and where I was headed.  I even had the chance to talk with a guy after the meeting about his struggles and hopefully what I shared with him shed some light on his situation.  After that I went directly to another meeting and was able to share about my experiences over the last two days.  This was exactly what I needed to keep my ass on this journey and sober.  I can only keep what I have by giving it away.

God Bless and Good Night!

1 comment:

  1. ....its said in the rooms, the learning is in the listening, the healing is in the sharing, so thanks for sharing this journey.