Sunday, February 10, 2013
Tonight I had the pleasure of reality reminding me who and what I am. There was a young kid in my meeting tonight that shared about a friend of his that was in a 12 step program that got high, over dosed, and died. This is exactly what I needed to hear tonight. For those of you that are not like me that read this, that statement might sound cold. But it is my reality. I am sorry for this person, his family and friends. For me though, I need to be reminded that my disease is terminal and it wants me dead. I need to remember that every day. I try to keep that fresh in my head. It is one of the ways that I have overcome the mental obsession to drink and use. Last November, I saw the writing on the wall and new that if I did not change I was a dead man. I knew of 5 people that had died the last year I was in Denver but wanted to pretend that would never happen to me. Well folks, drugs and alcohol do kill people every day and I am not going to be one of them. So tonight I shared about how I can remember every face of the people that I have seen overdose. I can remember how I felt when I thought I was going to fall out from snorting too much cocaine. And those memories scare the crap out of me. I don't want to be that guy who ruins his family by dying from an over dose. I do not want my sister to have to explain to my niece that her uncle was a selfish dumb ass and killed himself just to catch a buzz. Fuck that! My life does not have to end that way. As long as I do what is suggested I will be ok. I am a grateful recovering drug addict and alcoholic and today I am alive and happy. I dug my hole deep enough and have hit my bottom. I do not have to be a statistic!