Wednesday, June 20, 2012
I keep listening to Son Volt's Cocaine and Ashes over and over tonight thinking about the speaker I heard to night. I keep thinking about what he said about letting go. He shared about letting go of people he loved, of letting go of his disease, and of people who loved him that let him go. It really struck a chord with me tonight. I feel the need now to put into words what I have let go and never look back. First, I will have to start with the drugs. Luckily a little run in with the police on November 4th made me realize that I had to let the drugs and booze go once and for all. That run in with the police should have also been a red flag for me to let go of the person that called the cops on me. But just like I had held on to the drugs and alcohol for so long, I held on to a relationship that was sick with lies, infidelity, and hurt. Just as the drugs and alcohol had driven me to the brink of insanity, so had this relationship. It actually pushed me a few steps closer to the edge, resulting in the darkest time of my life. I knew all those years that my life would get better if I let all the partying go but I just was not ready. Once I finally walked away from the relationship for good, my life immediately got better. What a relief it has been letting go of something so toxic, it was, just like the drugs, pushing me to a slow death. I have let go of friends, homes, jobs, hopes, and dreams, that ultimately were causing more harm than good. Today, I know longer have that weight on my chest. November 14th I surrendered the drugs and booze, and mid May I finally surrendered the rest of it and gave it to GOD. I will leave you with this. The gentleman that spoke tonight said the best gift you can ever give some one you love is to let them go. Let them go to live their life. And now I am free to live mine, Happy, Joyous, and Free!