Tuesday, June 19, 2012

God Works in Mysterious Ways

I use to shudder at the cliche "God works in mysterious ways."  I would always think to myself when hearing this that he sure does..  More like fucked up ways in my opinion.  From relationships, jobs, money, sex, or anything else that was not going my way I always thought I was God's punching bag...  If God is so good, then why does all this fucked up shit happen to me?  Well, of course now looking back, God was there all the time, and I am sure he thought it was real funny when he kept me from over dosing or going to jail.  In Alcoholics Anonymous there are what are called the 9th step promises.  These are the promises.

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we
will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to
know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the
past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the
word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down
the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can
benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will
disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest
in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude
and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of
economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how
to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly
realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being
fulfilled among us-sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They
will always materialize if we work for them.

I can honestly say that this is the truth.  I have worked hard to gain the sobriety that I have.  I have worked the steps, just finished the ninth step, worked with my sponsor, and done just about everything I have been told.  I had faith that if I did what I was told the words above would become a reality.  I have found a new freedom and a new happiness.  I can never shut the door on my past.  If I do, I will surely use and drink again, and I will surely be dead before I could ever get sober again.  I have no self pity.  No one else got me here.  Just me and my fucked up thinking.  I now have an honest interest in my fellows (which is what prompted this post which I will get to shortly).  My whole attitude and out look on life HAS CHANGED COMPLETELY!!!  I have two job interviews tomorrow and I do not fear that I will not find exactly the job I need for where I am right now.  Last week I did realize that GOD was doing for me what I could not do for my self.  My prayers are being answered.  Tonight I had the beautiful opportunity of seeing how my experience can benefit another human being.  A few weeks ago a beautiful woman I went to high school with put up on her Facebook page "16 days."  I knew immediately what that meant.  I wrote her an email asking if this was an accomplishment. She replied that she was struggling with trying to get sober.  After exchanging a few emails we were finally able to talk on the phone tonight.  Hearing her tell me that I was an inspiration for her and that she was so happy that I had reached out to her overwhelmed me.  We shared our stories while she packed for detox and rehab.  She was more than grateful to hear that she could call me any time and that I would come visit her in rehab.  She was so excited to hear I was back in Atlanta and that I have an amazing group of sober friends that lean on each other in ALL of our struggles.  I know that frantic sound in her voice all to well.  And what ever bullshit that was going through my head at the time vacated almost immediately when given the chance to help a fellow addict.  I can only keep what I have by giving it away.  I am no expert at this program by any means, but through the grace of God, I have people in my life that show me everyday how to live a full and meaningful life without the use of drugs and alcohol.  It is my duty to carry that message to the addict and alcoholic that still suffers.  Then and only then can I keep my sobriety.

Good luck to you my friend and I will see you on the other side in a few days!

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