I , like so many other alcoholics and drug addicts have a very hard time accepting the things I cannot change, as well as feeling grateful for what I do have. Today, I am feeling very restless, irritable, and discontent. Despite being surrounded by so much loving family, the loneliness is weighing heavy on my heart today, as I obsess about the past and the future. These feelings are very reminescant of Thanksgiving last year, ten or so days sober. The big difference today is I know what to do when these feelings arise. This morning the daily reflection that I read reminded me that Gratitude and Acceptance will heal these negative feelings that I hold on to so tightly. Which is why I decided to write now instead of later. I need to take the time to get down on paper or screen what I am grateful for and make those blues run.
Today, Thanksgiving, 2012, I have a little more than a year sober. This is what I am grateful for the most. On my year anniversary, last Saturday my little sister shared with me how much more pleasant and enjoyable I am to be around. It made me realize how much of an overbearing asshole I would be when I was around my family and how awful for them it must have been. Thirty minutes or so ago I felt those old selfish ways coming out and I knew it was time for me to take some time for my self and make a list of all the wonderful blessings I have. While I write here in the recliner in my living room, my brother in law is holding my beautiful baby niece quietly while she takes her Thanksgiving nap completely content just being in her daddy's arms. The sweet sounds of my mom and sister making the last minute preparations for our Thanksgiving meal are coming from the kitchen. I can see my Dad and my Grandmother walking around the front yard in the warm Georgia sun looking at all of my Dad's plants. My grandmother looks happy and content to have another holiday with her family. This calm that is coming in from focusing on these wonderful simple blessings is a new relief to the stress and pain that comes from having an alcoholic mind.
Tonight like every Thursday I will be going to a meeting at my home group and spend some time with some wonderful, like minded, supportive people. So many of these folks have played a huge part in the success and growth I have had in the first year of my sobriety. I am so vary grateful for them. I am not sure I could have made it this year with out you guys. You all know who you are and I love you all dearly.
Now that my heart and mind have returned to that serene place, I will say that I will pray that all of you are blessed with the things that make you happy. I will pray not only for my own wisdom and peace but for all of yours as well. Remember to put in the work but to let God handle the results!