Sunday, August 26, 2012


I just realized as I began to type these will be my first written words of my 38th year on this earth.  I cannot believe how fast this year has gone by.  It feels like just yesterday I was staring at those cops on the night of November 4th.  My life is so different and removed from where it use to be.  It truly is a miracle I am not dead or in jail.  Tonight as I reflect and put my life into these words, despite my lack of emotional sobriety, I look back on all that I have achieved this year and I am grateful.  I have been taught through out the last 9 months that when I am feeling irritable or discontent that writing down a gratitude list will put things into perspective and should relieve some of those feelings that I use to not know how to deal with without drugs and alcohol.  So here I am, sore from the gym, with a heavy heart and a head full of recovery trying to express the gratitude I have for all the blessings in my life.  I know most of this I have said before but I am going to say it again.  I am so very grateful to be sober today.  It is such an easier way to live I cannot believe it sometimes.  I never have a hangover, my bank account always has money in it and I am always safe to drive.  Because I am sober today, my family and I have begun the journey of healing.  I have a beautiful baby niece which I see several times a week.  Her smile and laugh are a quick reminder of why I changed my life.  I have a relationship with God today that I have never had.  Albeit I do not always understand his will, I do have faith that I will remain sober.  I have faith that I may not always get what I want but I will always get what I need.  Tonight I am grateful to be a productive and active member of society.  A year ago today I was submersed in a drug subculture, hiding from all the beautiful things life has to offer, such as the sunshine, exercise, and quitting smoking.  I now have a group of friends that I can really depend on for more than a buzz or for gasoline to pour on the flame.  I am so grateful for the tan that I have, the weight I have lost, and the fact I have not smoked a cigarette since July 9th.  I never thought I would be able to quit smoking.  I have been able to get back to work making great money and pay the bills that no longer loom over my head.  Tonight I will go to bed thanking God for all these amazing things instead of hoping that I wont wake up.  This is the greatest blessing of all.

Thoughts on getting older, moving on yet again, living and loving despite illness, and rock n roll sober are all coming very soon...


  1. Good stuff Erin. Its great to hear someones positive thoughts in recovery vs. negative thoughts. It helps me remember to be grateful too.

  2. Gratitude is the only option, the only one that always works to change my day. The best plan is to wake up with it and never let go, then I don't have to resort to it to change anything; it's always with me. I start with gratitude that I'm not hungover. I keep that gratitude as long as I can, most days until I sleep. It's a crazy good life huh?