Monday, February 6, 2012


As I sit here reflecting on the last few months, listening to the Drive by Truckers, trying to find a way to get out the feelings of frustration and anger that are running through me, I realize that I really do have a lot to be grateful for.  The first thing I am grateful for is the fact that I am still alive… The last day of my using should have killed me…  There were numerous days that I should not have lived through.  All those years I always doubted a higher power, and ultimately I am sure of it now, it was GOD that kept me alive.  I am more than grateful for my wonderful family.  No matter how bad things ever got or how much I lied or stole or abused their love they were always there…  Maybe I could have accomplished this without them, but moving back to Atlanta was the route I chose, so maybe not.  They are very supportive and are happy to see me clear headed and healthy for the first time in almost 20 years.  I am very grateful for Brandi.  Grateful beyond words…  I would not even be here if it was not for her.  She has been there since day one listening, loving, motivating…  Not sure what those first two months would have been like without her…  No matter where she and I end up, I am eternally grateful!  Thank you, I love you!  The next person I cannot fully explain my gratitude for is Jake Warren.  He has answered the phone when I was at my lowest.  He has listened to me cry.  And when I mean cry I mean the kind of crying that no man wants another man to hear.  I never have to question his motives or his loyalty…  He is the one friend, rain or shine, no matter what will always come through for me, and I for him.  He is truly the brother I have never had…  Who else but your real brother would tell you they would smash your nose into your face if you ever snort another line of cocaine?  I am very grateful to be a part of the Warren family and to be healthy and able to participate in his children’s lives.  Speaking of children, Corrin, my little sister, is due in just a few weeks…. Yet another reason to stay sober… I cannot wait to be an uncle…  To be able to teach things like how to kick the soccer ball, or how to tell a great story, and all the other things that uncles get to do!   I have to remember that I am very blessed with wonderful friends and family that are more supporting than I deserve!  Kind of funny this is the song I am listening to as I come to an end of this entry!
The Living Bubba
I wake up tired and I wake up pissed
wonder how I ended up like this
I wonder why things happen like they do
but I don't wonder long cuz I got a show to do

I'm sick at my stomach from the A.Z.T.
Broke at my bank cuz that shit ain't free
but I'm here to stay (at least another week or two)
I can't die now cuz I got another show to do

Don't give me no pity don't give me no grief
Wit till I die for sympathy
Just help me with this amp and a guitar or two
I can't die now cuz I got another show to do

Don't give me no preachin' no self servin'
I ain't no angel but nobody's deserving
I can dance on my own grave, Thank You!
but I can't die now cuz I got another show...

Some people keep saying I can't last long
but I got my bands I got my songs,
liquor, beer, and nicotine to help me along
and I'm drunk and stubborn as they come
chain smoking, guitar picking, til I'm gone

I ain't got no political agenda
Ain't got no message for the youth of America
'cept "Wear a rubber and be careful who you screw"
and come see me next Friday cuz I got another show...

Some people stop living long before they die
Work a dead end job just to scrape on by
but I keep living just to bend that note in two
and I can't die now cuz I got another show...

lyrics by Patterson Hood
music by Drive-by Truckers (Cooley, Hood, Howell, Lane, Neff)
©1998 Soul Dump Music


  1. Thanks for sharing buddy. What an inspirational read! So glad to have gotten to know you over the last few months.


  2. I'm very proud if you! It takes amazin strength to do what you have done and to come this far. Keep on keepin on buddy!