Death

Tonight I had the pleasure of reality reminding me who and what I am.  There was a young kid in my meeting tonight that shared about a friend of his that was in a 12 step program that got high, over dosed, and died.  This is exactly what I needed to hear tonight.  For those of you that are not like me that read this, that statement might sound cold.  But it is my reality. I am sorry for this person, his family and friends.  For me though, I need to be reminded that my disease is terminal and it wants me dead.  I need to remember that every day.  I try to keep that fresh in my head.  It is one of the ways that I have overcome the mental obsession to drink and use.  Last November, I saw the writing on the wall and new that if I did not change I was a dead man.  I knew of 5 people that had died the last year I was in Denver but wanted to pretend that would never happen to me.  Well folks, drugs and alcohol do kill people every day and I am not going to be one of them.  So tonight I shared about how I can remember every face of the people that I have seen overdose.  I can remember how I felt when I thought I was going to fall out from snorting too much cocaine.  And those memories scare the crap out of me.  I don't want to be that guy who ruins his family by dying from an over dose.  I do not want my sister to have to explain to my niece that her uncle was a selfish dumb ass and killed himself just to catch a buzz.  Fuck that!  My life does not have to end that way.  As long as I do what is suggested I will be ok.  I am a grateful recovering drug addict and alcoholic and today I am alive and happy.  I dug my hole deep enough and have hit my bottom.  I do not have to be a statistic!